He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
