i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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