If that was your dad, he is hot
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We have started to decorate penises.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
