bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Duck Duck Cougar?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
