Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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