I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
