the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
