the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
there is puke in my bra ... again
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