I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
