youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
