I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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