Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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