and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
