New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
