I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
