She said her name was "party"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
