need another drink. this is the easiest way
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
