Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
