I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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