I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
