Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All I want is dick and wine.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
