and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
