The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
