if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
