I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I love you.
Bad choice
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
