there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
