her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
