I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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