im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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