I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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