turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
