my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
