I accidentally had phone sex last night
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she told me i tasted like america
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
