i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
