I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
this hospital has no fireball
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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