don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
