break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
