I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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