I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
