Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
