lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
