I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
