I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
