none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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