before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
