hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
