i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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