why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
