I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
