Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
