I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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