So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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