ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
