I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
