Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
